


Kurapika Is Hungry For The D

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Hungry, M/M, date, hunger, very gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 14:58:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4396319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>what are you talking about? of course that required a rating of "Explicit"...</p></blockquote>





	Kurapika Is Hungry For The D

oritos.

Kurapika was fucking starving, so what better to do than eat Doritos?

But there was only one problem.

There were no Doritos!

"FUCKING SHIT!!!" he yells as he slams the cupboard closed. He had stashed a bag of Cool Ranch® there, but it was gone.

BUT WHO ATE THEM?????

Kurapika sighed as he tried to calm himself down. He counted to ten, cause that was the rule.

Once he was calm, he used logic to figure out who ate them.

"Well, let's see... Gon obviously has no interest in tortilla chips, and Killua...."

Killua.

It was Killua.

That motherfucker.

"Killua... That brat. When I get my hands on him, I'll-!"

He couldn't finish the sentence. What was he going to do once he got his hands on Killua?

Oh, that sounds wrong...

Kurapika let out a sinister laugh. He then went to concoct a plan,

IN THE BASEMENT.

DUN DUN DUN.

Meanwhile, Gon and Killua were on their 326th date.

Killua was sad because not once was he kissed on any of the dates. He was convinced that Gon didn't even realize they were on dates, even though he was always the one taking Killua out.

What a dumbfuck!

So Killua cried on the inside, "Gon must not love me...."

But then he noticed his precious boyfriend was staring at nothing. Like just staring into fucking space.

Killua sighed. Why was his boyfriend so unromantic? Spacing out on a date was not one of Gon's hot qualities.

And it happened on all of their dates.

Killua waved his hand in front of Gon's face.

Nothing.

So Killua gasped. This was his chance!

He mustered up the courage, moved closer to Gon, leaned in, and...

Gon got up and ran away to help an injured bird that fell out of a nearby tree.

Yup. That was what he was staring at the entire time.

"DFHGDFGDDGHFBDTGFDSDGHFFEGJYUJHNBVCXFDTYJHGFD" Killua screamed as he fell onto the hard bench, hurting his precious angelic forehead.

Now there was a big unattractive bump there. 

He wanted to cry!

He could feel the tears building up in his eyes... The pain, the sorrow...

And then Kurapika snickered! 

Because he was hiding in a bush that was conveniently behind the bench the whole time.

He was also wearing binoculars for some retarded reason, I mean the goddamn bush is right behind the bench for fucks sake!!

The binoculars were also quite awkwardly poking out of the bush.

Kurapika was also still snickering.

But then Killua heard and stopped tearing up.

Killua looked behind him and screamed before standing up.

He gasped! "GEORGE BUSH?!?!?" he asked the bush with strange eyes.

Kurapika quietly said, "Fuck!!" and retreated... well the binoculars retreated.

Killua saw this and was annoyed. "Who's there?"

Kurapika remained quiet hiding in the dumb shrub.

"I can smell your fear." Killua said as he put on his assassin face (lmfao?) and walked over to the bush.

Kurapika wasn't scared of that little shit. He ate his Doritos!!

So as Killua moved closer to the bush... 

KURAPIKA SPRANG OUT AND TACKLED HIM!!

THEN HE STARTED PUNCHING KILLUA IN THE FACE REPEATEDLY!

OH SHIT!

OH SHIT!!

Killua's beautiful face was ruined!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" he screamed.

Then he started crying.

The pain was 2 much.

Kurapika stopped when he was satisfied.

He stood up and stared at the horrifying face of the ex-assassin.

Huge fucking bumps all over his face, with some blood too.

Oh and tears. Killua had cried.

"Heh, serves you right." Kurapika said as he stood up and flipped his sunshine gold hair.

Then Killua suddenly smiled.

"You hit like a twink." he said.

oh shit

Oh shiiit!!

Kurapika glared at him, eyes red.

"The FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME??" he screamed. He was very angry.

"Oh, want me to repeat that for your deaf ass?" Killua asked but answered quickly, making pauses to exaggerated the sentence, "You. Hit. Like. A. Twink."

Kurapika let out his battle cry and prepared for Round 2.

But then Gon came running and saying, "Stop fighting!! Violence is bad!!"

Gon was such a hippie!

They both looked at him.

Gon held up the injured bird. "See? This bird lived a wonderful life without violence, and now this..."

Oh god. He was tearing up.

Another unattractive quality about Gon, Killua thought with a sigh.

"Okay but he ate my fucking Doritos???" Kurapika said not giving a god damn fuck about the shitty bird.

"Doritos???" Killua asked.

"You ate my fucking Doritos dipshit! I stashed them in my super-not-so-secret cupboard right behind the giant cookie jar!" Kurapika blurted out.

Well there goes the secret.

"Um...." Killua started, "Kurapika, I didn't even touch your Doritos."

"Liar." Kurapika said.

"Will you two stop? You're hurting the poor bird even more!" Gon exclaimed.

"WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK !" Kurapika and Killua said in unison, the two 'K' dudes.

"Lay off, man. I didn't even touch your stupid Doritos. I much prefer Lays!" Killua exclaimed. (anyone catch the pun?)

Kurapika calmed down. His eyes were no longer red.

"Then who ate my Doritos?" he asked calmly.

Killua shrugged.

Gon shrugged. Then went back to cooing at the bird.

Killua looked at him in disgust.

Kurapika started shaking uncontrollably. Whoever ate his Doritos was gonna pay.

...

Meanwhile somewhere right about then, Leorio was resting on a bench.

He was on his lunch break.

Since he didn't want to stay in that foggy hospital, he moved outside.

"Hmm... I wonder what the other three are doing right now..." he pondered.

Then his stomach growled.

He let out an awkward laugh cause he totally didn't expect that.

Then he pulled a bag of Cool Ranch® Doritos out of his blazer pocket.

"Good thing Kurapika always leaves snacks for me." he said as he opened the bag and starting chowing down on the deliciously salty tortilla chips.

Kurapika felt a disturbance.

...

"Now thinking about it, I did see Leorio in one of the cupboards earlier."

It was Gon speaking. 

He was finally speaking some sense.

"At the time I was washing dishes, so I couldn't really see, but... I believe he pulled out a small blue bag of someth-"

Before Gon could finish, Kurapika let out another battle cry.

"FUCKASS WILL PAY FOR THIS!" he said, eyes turning scarlet again.

Killua and Gon had sweatdrops on the sides of their heads.

Killua's face was also still fucked up looking.

Then Kurapika screamed, "WHERE IS HE?! WHERE IS HE??!" Kurapika was still fucking hungry.

It just so turned out that Leorio was many many many many meters away from them. Like on the other side of the fountain, literally.

He thought he heard lots of screaming, but it was rather muffled thanks to the peeing sounds coming from the fountain. He had no idea why???

So Gon said he smelled some salt.

"It smells very close by... Probably in this area."

Kurapika stood on the bench. It made him feel taller.

It also made him even more fucking hUNGRY!

Then he saw it.

The last Dorito..

Being eaten...

By...

"LEORRRRIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kurapika screamed as he flipped off the bench, knocking the darn thing down in the process.

Leorio felt a chill run down his spine. Did somebody just yell his name?

He shrugged and ate it. The last Dorito...

Kurapika had made it across the fountain just in time to see it devoured.

His eyes red, and full of rage...

Leorio looked up to see a very angry Kurapika.

...And that was the last of him.

...

...

...

Gon sobbed, "He was such a nice person..."

Killua pretended that he wasn't crying, though it was quite obvious. 

"Eh, he was just.... OLD MAN!!!!" he fell to the ground and started crying uncontrollably.

They were all dressed formally, in black. 

They were at a funeral.

Leorio's funeral.

Kurapika stared at the lifeless body in the coffin with the most expression-less face ever.

"Shouldn't have touched my fucking Doritos." he said as he flicked his blonde hair again.

Then he realized he was still hungry.

"Oh shit... I just realized Leorio was the one who always paid for the food. The snacks." he then said.

Kurapika had no money. Nor did Gon and Killua.

What were they gonna eat tonight?

Fuck.

FUCKING SHIT!

...

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> what are you talking about? of course that required a rating of "Explicit"...


End file.
